February 5, 2013: Distant Valentine

Dear Valentine,

I don’t know yet where you are. For now you remain a wish upon a star that I sent out with a tiny sparkle of hope in my unconnected eyes. Why then should I write this when you are nothing but a breeze upon my breathless heart?

Allow me to start with a few words for you,

I cannot say if you would feed a homeless man
Or give to others whenever you can
I cannot say if you stand tall and straight
Always clean, a confident gait

I cannot say if you love to run
Sweat dripping from the angry sun
Nor can I say we will ever meet

For my words today are a one-way street

But I can say that no matter what, no matter how you dress or how different your passions are from mine, that’s fine. Because valentine, if I am ever so lucky as to find you among the other wishes in the skies… I will love you with my wholeness from my awkward toes to messy hair and I won’t care about your stubborn pout and I’ll let you tell me all about your quirks that you don’t dare confess to the guys. (I must say it’s probably wise, and I cannot promise not to laugh, but I promise not to judge).  I hope you are not lonely on this day of expensive romance and as we continue this dance of coincidences and first kisses I hope you think of me,

Love,

The one you wish for on the stars
Your distant valentine

 

 

January 26, 2013: Look at me.

What! Look at me. Just look at me. Do you see the cowering lioness that I cannot be? Snap your eyes upon the buttons that do up other’s success. Oh how brightly dressed and splendid they strut about. Slamming each foot upon the cracks in the sidewalk. Break my mother’s back why don’t you? But you don’t. AGH. I am good. I am good? Am I good? Good. Back to nowhere and I stare blankly into starry wordless skies. Why have I not found a calling, has no one told me yet that I am just pretending? Yes, let’s help people and yell out obscurities and purities and values and mushy irony. If the world were a pet shop I would buy those tired eyes and release all innocence and ignorance blissfully from their cages. A shame I’m too lame to do more than only think that I can make a difference.
What! Look at me. Just look at me.

Do you see the cowering lioness that I cannot be?

December 26, 2012: Unrequited Laughter

🙂

And so I’m left unrequited
and you thought I’d be broken hearted
disappointed, yes. Of course. but
At least I loved and let know the hearts that flirted with mine.
You have not answered my call to commitment
and
I see you now.. perhaps we were soulmates
once
today we are no more, tomorrow we are no more
until;unless; you leave a message on my doorstep
I could cry tears of joy
tears of life..
as I write my heart out I laugh and I hope you see my smile in the words I sent
I laugh because of my serious, romantic, poetic prose
not at all a mirror to my tingling, bouncy, swinging love for you

I would fly mountains for you
I would cry sweet cider
Try harder for you
and knowing this passion is only a fashion of the mind
Keeps me sane

We are soul mates but I have other friends of the soul to search on this earth
6 billion in the world, 1 million in my own town
We’re all just hand me downs.. from one to the next
and eventually my eyes will connect
to a man who loves me back
(until;unless…)

We’ve stepped off the same track
Let’s hug and kiss our pasts
hasta luego 

If you choose to leave, then leave please
Don’t grasp to clasp my broken parts
I can fix them on my own, as I scooter along alone

My backbone keeps me straight as I wait
and I fly moons for myself
and cry sparkling wine
I’m fine right here
Spinning around on the top of my head
A fool I am
A fool I will become
A fool I will meet
Then Us fools will fall in love
and when we do…perhaps
I will buy a scooter

for two.

October 11, 2012: Ambiguous Feelings

We’re nothing anymore.

 

But we were something
And that means something to some people.
I’m here

 

he’s there
We can’t be together, only feeling that we once felt

But it’s now, and it’s impossible
Possible for past us
Now I’m here… he’s there
We’re nothing, though we don’t have to be
But sometimes we can’t know what an almost could have been
And yet because we’re here (though here… and there)

We are something.

Just in a wrong time, wrong place, different paths
And together we are. We follow (fall..oh) together through everything we could never
be
do
feel
Separate life lines, strings that once crossed and so always touching
Always tangled…
even if they never cross again, nor meet at the same final knot.

Waking up from a long and refreshing nap.

And so she went away,
To a reality unknown to the rest
And there she stays
Asleep in the other world
But wide awake in the new, in the now

And so she left behind her skin
To make the travels lighter
Carrying only what she had within
Not knowing what she’d discover
But ready to take in the new, the now

And what she found could not be kept
What she kept was already found
All of this while she slept
In the world she’d left behind
Not sure how to carry the new, to remember the now

And so today she lives half-awake
Long after she had left
A bandaid for the splitting ache
Of living in two worlds
Breathing in the constant news, living in the nows

****************************

It’s hard. So many changes in your life. So quickly and so suddenly your mind must work overtime to take it all in.

I promised some travel themed posts when I returned from my trip, but somewhere between almost falling in love with someone I won’t see for years, moving into my first apartment, starting my first year in a teacher’s program, and rediscovering who I am, who I can be… I found myself distracted from my creative side.

Let me explain. I know you’re thinking, well, with all these new things to think about, wouldn’t it be a prime time to scribble poetry, love stories and inspiring thoughts? Apparently not. It may be just me, but writing seems to take a certain amount of focus, of dedication to the blank page in front of you. So many times after my journey I felt I needed to release my emotions, but though I tried (believe me, I tried!), it just seemed impossible to even begin. I found myself wandering to memories of summer romance, of the future, of who I have become. It’s only been just recently that I have woken up from that very stimulating dreaming state.

So here I am. Stretching my fingers. Yawning out a slightly long, rambling post to remind you all I was here. And here I am again. I have lived. And here I live again. I have loved. And here I love again.

My nap is over, and so you shall read again.

Enjoy 🙂