Smile Big
Just the other day, I was walking to work. Not really looking forward to it, but not dreading it either. Just plain walking. I had a song playing on my ipod, probably something like Wonderful World  by Michael Buble or Hallujah by Jeff Buckley. (I say this, but now I am beginning to think it was Circle of Life by Elton John). I walked by a homeless man wordlessly and passed many a café with people inside telling the most interesting stories I never heard. I walked passed a wall of graffiti, but didn’t look at it. I mean, I saw it, I registered the colours and patterns, but I didn’t see it.
So, you get it, I was walking. What I want to talk about is why. Why was I walking to a place I didn’t truly care to be? It was like my sense of living turned off for those 20 minutes and I auto-piloted the rest. Why does this seem to me a satisfactory way to get from point A to B? Why is there always a destination that the path leads to, and not any other purpose for the path?
I hear this word a lot working with kids. And though answering it can be tiring, pointless at times, and repetitive, I’m curious as to what will happen if I follow the why sequence in my own daily actions.
So I walk to work. (Why?) Because I made a commitment. (Why?) I needed a job. (Why?). For money.
money.
Okay, don’t think of me as completely selfish for saying this. It’s only the truth. Of course I chose this specific job for other reasons. I love kids, I want to speak French often, I needed slightly flexible hours. etc. etc. etc. But in the end, I got a job because I need the money.
I am walking to get money.
It’s no wonder I walk blindly. The dull pounding of my steps a further reminder that I, as so many others, have a job to do. My job is not to notice the ‘unfortunate’ jobless ones in my peripherals. Nor is it to strike up conversation with the old man sitting alone at lunch.
It’s scary to notice this ignorance in my behaviour. I always prided myself on my ability to take pleasure in the little things. My smile is never far away. But that day, when I walked the path with only my destination in mind. That day, I looked back at where I came and realized I had just lost 20 minutes of my life. Of a chance to learn from my surroundings and environment.
I sat down before work to let this sink in. It may seem strange but it almost brought me close to tears. To have momentarily lost something I believe so passionately in. To have succumbed to the bland life of schedules and searching for happiness through money. Even if only for a walk. It woke me up to the reality of how easy it is to slip away in this world.
It will happen again, I am sure. I can only hope I will retain the ability to notice when it does.
That day at work, I picked up the little 4-year-old girl I babysit from school. She began to cry at something so miniscule, just as I had done moments earlier on the bench. Tears brimmed up in her eyes, a pained expression on her face, afraid she may not get what she wants.
I kneeled down in front of her, took her head in my heads and told her to smile.
I told her a smile will get you further in life than tears could ever attempt.
We then proceeded to have a biggest smile competition.
I let her win.
Sunrise Thoughts 